When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience. ~Author Unknown
I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons. ~Johann Schiller
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again. ~Menachem Mendel Schneerson
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~George Bernard Shaw
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