Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing
My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." ~Harmon Killebrew
Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name. ~William Wordsworth
I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown
Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time. ~Jean Paul Richter
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
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