Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~Robert Frost
I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Asquith
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
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